I've pretty much given up on dA again, and I don't know when I'll be back. It's pretty disheartening to work on something like [link] and it gets +faved less than some piece of crap art I did 5 years ago: [link] . On one hand, people hand out favorites for the stupidest things, and on the other they ration them.

Every time I upload something, I feel very vulnerable. I look for appreciation and validation far too much in things I do, and because I don't get it, I don't have the motivation to do anything. I have been going off and on for years with motivation for art, but now I don't even take photos. Obviously the answer is to stop seeking outward approval of things I do, but that is not an overnight process. Especially when I've taken repeated blows to my self esteem and confidence.

What exactly is the point of doing art or photography if no one besides me sees it? I can't shoot with film anymore because I can't afford to do so, and my digital camera produces things that are nice but unremarkable. I stopped uploading things because I hate not getting comments or superficial "That's pretty" things. I don't expect a critique or masterpiece of a reply on everything, but if I upload a picture it means I'm proud enough of it to submit to folks to see it. It also means it got picked out of, on average, 700 other pictures.

I see people who slap shit together in 10 minutes get more faves and comments because they're sycophants to countless people. The very concept of dA requires you to go out and kiss other peoples' asses for anyone to look at your crap. On top of that, my work pales in comparison to things I see other people doing. It should be inspirational, but it's not. I feel bottle-necked by my photography equipment. A good photographer makes the most out of what they have, and I feel I do that. It's still nothing compared to what I see other people uploading.

To the folks that actually read this self-pitying rant, thanks and I apologize. You may or may not be one of the people I'm referring to with my resentment, but know that it's done out of jealousy. Except for you.

P.S.: Please don't go out and a bunch of my things because of this. I'm not fishing for compliments, I'm getting this resentment of this system out of my system so I can move on.